To tan or not to tan

Since I heart RKB bunches and am willing to stand in solidarity with her (that’s what BFFS are for), I have decided to not go to the tanning bed this year. I vowed to embrace my paleness, love my fair skinned arms and legs, and be a happy girl. However, now that March is coming to an end…the temperature is getting hotter…my winter clothes are saying hello to their Rubbermaid tote homes…I have come to realize that I have cultivated a rather pasty glow since last August. I literally become reflective in the daylight, much like Edward Cullen when he gets in the sunlight (yes I just made a Twilight reference). Except I’m not as beautiful and shimmery as Edward (but let’s be honest…who is)?

As bad as I want lay in that enclosed little bed with UV rays shooting into my body, I’m determined that my health is more important. It doesn’t however change my feelings that I feel prettier when I’m tan than I do when I’m pale. I think a lot of people feel that way. I may be a little on the chubby side, but tan chubby is like so much better than pale chubby.

With the whole skin damage and possible cancer scenarios running through my head as well as the thought of looking like a leathery worn out baseball mit by the time I hit 40, I explored my options. I don’t really dig hanging out in the sun (which is pretty much the only other way for me to get some color to my skin naturally …oh except UV rays there too) so that was out. I’ve tried self tanners and have found that they are too time consuming and I often end up looking like I rolled in some mud and forgot to take a shower the next day. I decided to do something I have never done before. I decided to give Mystic Tan a try.

Apparently through the magic of Mystic Tan I could get a healthy glow in as little as 2 minutes. Sweet! I’m in. The directions seemed simple enough. You get in a little stand up booth and a sprayer thingie sprays you with Mystic tan (I hope you were able to follow since I got real technical right there). You have some color right after and then in a few hours the color deepens (through something very scientific that I don’t really understand).

I would post pictures of myself getting ready except for I would never do that in a million years. You can only imagine how attractive I looked in disposable hairnet and little surgical booties plus goggles (which I took off right before going in because I didn’t want to chance raccoon eyes). That was all in addition to mounds of “barrier lotion” I slathered all over my hands and feet.

If you are a Friends fan (hi Jen!) you might remember when Ross got his spray tan on. This might help picture what goes on. To put it simply the machine sprays the front of your body for about 14 seconds – then it makes a noise that prompts you to turn around – and then it sprays the back of your body for about 14 more seconds. This doesn’t seem like a long time…unless you are ill prepared for the start and forgot to take one last deep breath.

Unfortunately I fall into that ill prepared category. I tried to hold my breath, but the combination of the freezing cold mist and my anxiety about not taking that last deep breath caused me to hyperventilate which led to what felt like a mouth full of Mystic Tan. I feel sure that was not safe. I was so freaked that I immediately started coughing which caused me to take yet another deep breath wherein I had a mouth full AND nose full of Mystic Tan mist. I was pretty sure my lungs were turning brown already when the machine finally stopped. Even though I was a little lightheaded, I did consider it a plus that I didn’t pass out naked in the Mystic Tan booth. How tragic would that have been?

I opened the door and gasped for clean air and reached for a towel. I started rubbing the excess off – I did notice a drip down the back of my leg and was able to wipe it off. I could tell I had a little color in the mirror so that was also positive. I removed my attractive disposable wear and washed my hands. I felt a little sticky and I know I smelled funny, but I was feeling ok. Until a few hours later when I realized my hands and feet sort of looked rusty. At that point I started to worry that I was one of those girls that I make fun of for fake tanning. You know who I’m talking about.

I went home and scrubbed off some more in the hopes of not being an orange colored wreck today. This morning when I woke up I went to the bathroom to check my status. I am not exaggerating in the slightest when I tell you I look like an Oompa Loompa. I hope to bring you a positive update in the next few days as to the status of my coloring. In the meantime I’m going to go home and sing Willy Wonka songs to Eddie and make the most of it.

PS Here's the link to the Friends episode - it's a 5 minute clip - but it makes me laugh everytime! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOLCwaHVtWs

Bouncing Here and There and Everywhere!

Dear Hubby,
I know that I’m on this so called diet and everything, but I was thinking – for Valentine’s Day I would really like a treat. If at all possible, I really think that The World’s Largest Gummy Bear would be perfect. This “mammoth mass of sugar” weighs in at a whopping 5 pounds. It’s bigger than a football and the equivalent of 1400 regular gummies!

And it only has 12,600 calories.

If you must have this too – you can find it at perpetualkid.com

crabby - i mean carby

Low carb is great….if you don’t like to eat anything good. Problem is…I do like to eat good things…and by good things I mean bread…rolls…biscuits…with butter and honey…bagels…(sure I can have cream cheese but what am I supposed to put it on)…croissants…even cereal…

Tonite we’re going out with Amanda and Shane (movie and a meal). I don’t normally eat popcorn at the movie so I’m good there, but dinner is at Copper River…you know…home of the delicious honey glazed croissants. It pains me to think of saying “no croissant” when I order. However it would pain me more to have to see it on my plate and not eat it.

Oh and forget the fruit – or at least the ones I like the most. Bananas would be packed with carbs since I ate about two a day prior to Biggest Mistake of My Life – I mean weight loss challenge.

You can have eggs though… and I’ve had enough to fill my egg quota for the year already. I’ve had scrambled eggs, boiled eggs, deviled eggs, an omelet, a quiche – all of which I might add have been mighty taste – but I’m very much OVER them now. What I really want for breakfast is a biscuit…with a little butter and a lot of honey…and maybe a side of hashbrowns…but those aren’t allowed either.

12 weeks seemed to fly by when Ed and I first got married…the whole time flies when you’re having fun deal I guess

These 12 weeks are moving at a snail pace though…which makes sense…I’m not having fun…

8 more weigh ins to go…

Miracles really do happen!

This week's post is sponsored by the number 5. Why? Because I lost five pounds this week. After much frustration (see previous post), this was definitely a sweet little mini victory.

I realize five pounds might not mean that much to most people, but to me it means a lot. I can gain five pounds just breathing the air in my mom’s or Shirley’s house. Air filled with good (bad) things that I want but really shouldn’t have.

The life of a low carb dieter (and yes I feel qualified to speak about this now having been one for a full week), is HARD! While pretty much proving that it is a successful weight loss method if you do it right, it just isn’t gonna be a new lifestyle for me. I know that I CAN NOT commit to a life without chocolate and sweets. I mean yeah sugar free jello (otherwise known as sugar and flavor free jello) does help – but it honestly doesn’t even compare to a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup.

Low Carb dieters (yes I’m speaking for them all) must have some extreme willpower. I don’t so much have that on a daily basis – however this week God gave me some sort of supernatural power to fight off the urge to drink a Coke and eat a bag of potato chips. I can’t help it that I have no willpower. I keep trying to remind myself that I once dressed as She-ra for Halloween. You know She-ra – sister of He-man (Master of the Universe). Yeah – she was the princess of power. Surely – I still have some of that left in me!

I’ve curbed some cravings by popping a mouth full of sunflower seeds in the afternoon or having a piece of sugar free gum. Both sort of work. Now I’m really seeing what a great idea the gum was on Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Remember the gum that Violet tried – consisting of roast beef, mashed potatoes and then the blueberry pie that blew her up like a balloon.

If they could make a red velvet cupcake with cream cheese icing flavored sugar free gum – I would be so happy!

Anyways – here’s to next week and hoping for another weight loss!

Diet Woes

So I started the Biggest Loser at my work 3 weeks ago. I’m not sure what the thought process was that I had – but apparently I lost my mind and thought it would be a good idea to play. Me. The most stressed out, anxiety-ridden person I know playing in a COMPETITIVE WEIGHT LOSS CHALLENGE.

Here we are three weeks later and the following things have happened. I have had no coke for three weeks. I’ve consumed cases of water. I have exercised DAILY (via curves and walking). I have changed my diet – lower calories – less fat – less salt – less sugar.
Week 1 – I lost 1 pound
Week 2 – I lost 2 pounds
Week 3 – I gained 1 pound
Overall loss 1 pound

If I would have posted a before and after picture for you – my before picture would have a motivated smiling nikki and today my picture would be a mad face nikki or a crying one depending on what time it is.

Every Tuesday when I weigh (or any other time for that matter), I’m disappointed. Depending on how I lean myself on the scale it still doesn’t budge. All of my friends have told me that it’s muscle weight – just keep going – etc ...I’m so over muscle weight (if that’s what this even is which I don’t even know).

I miss Coke. I went thru a tragic caffeine withdrawal that deprived my body of that delicious sugary fizz of my favorite beverage, and gave me the lovely gift of migraines for around three days. All of that really seems fruitless now considering my ONE pound total weight loss. I would rather have kept the pound and kept the Coke.

I’ve read that there is much personal satisfaction that occurs when one decides to choose long-term health and give up habits such as soft drinks and processed foods that destroy their bodies.

I’m not really seeing an upside to gaining weight and making your team lose, much less any satisfaction. Honestly. I miss Coke. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about buying one, pouring one at home, or ordering a tall glass of it when we go out. The whole water with no lemon thing doesn’t even come close. I might as well be drinking air.

I believe in order to see any results – I’m going to have to starve myself or buy a 24 pack of bulimia and anorexia.

I considered a meal replacement drink. I’ve had them before though and they aren’t nearly as satisfying as a meal. I could honestly drink a meal replacement drink and add a meal and I would be good. However, apparently they do not work that way and I need no further help in doing a bad job.

We’re not playing as individuals either making this a million times worse. We’re playing in teams. My poor team. I feel like I owe them an apology daily for messing up their percentages. I tried to quit and they won't let me :( I hate not being A+

Dear Nintendo DS

After being inspired by Alison’s “Dear …” facebook statuses…I wanted to write my own

Dear Nintendo DS,

We’ve come such a long way since the GameBoy of my youth. Even though I know you are not the latest model (DSi right Amanda?), I am in awe of your tiny little color screen and your semi-sophisticated video game graphics. You are far superior to the green screen with dark blue pictures that the GameBoy produced way back when I thought playing Tiny Toon Adventures was a good time.

You apparently offer me endless possibilities ….such as learning the Japanese language from the palm of my hand. Should I ever decide to go to Japan this could be super useful. I can learn to cook from master chefs (maybe), I can play bejeweled (this alone is reason to own you Nintendo DS), I can do crossword puzzles and word searches (which would save us money on newspapers and puzzle books), and I can play some game called BrainAge which apparently challenges my brain with memory and logic challenges to…well…tell me my BrainAge and prove to me how smart (or not smart) I am.

I think you would fit perfectly in the following places:
1. My desk drawer at work (you know – for”break time”)
2. My dash (seriously I would only play if I were the passenger – not while driving)
3. My nitestand (just in case I wake up at 2am jonesin to play a quick game of tetris – yeah that’s right tetris)
4. My purse (for when I’m most likely sitting in a doctor’s office waiting room or waiting for my husband to pump gas)

Nintendo DS, I don’t even know you but I think I love you.

In conclusion, you come in pink. You’re like perfect for me. Need I really say any more.

Love,
Nikki

PS If I get you – I will take such good care of you and not neglect you like most other new things I get and don’t care about a month later. Seriously. I promise.

Turkey Day Challenge

So I asked my husband for a topic suggestion for the blog since I haven't posted in over a month. Have you even noticed my absence? :)

He said - why don't you talk about the holidays and that big turkey you are going to cook -and then he then laughed... hahahaha...

Oh really? Is the thought of me cooking that funny? Who says I can't make a big turkey. I mean it's not like its the most talked about, stressed about, over contemplated dish of the all-American holiday we all love to celebrate. Oh wait. It is.

I realize some of you are scratching your heads and asking yourselves...has she really not ever cooked a turkey? You guys should talk to those of you that know me...who are like yeah...she's never gonna be able to cook a turkey.

I wouldn't say that I'm a terrible cook. I'm just not a very much into handling the carcass of a dead animal that you can see at a petting zoo. This sort of limits my cooking to vegetables (pour can of peas into pot - turn on med/high) and/or baked goods. I'm more into baking...cute cupcakes, yummy brownies, delish cakes - using sugar and spice and everything nice... and more often than not those little treats turn out not only edible but sometimes even magically delicious.
Sadly, I just don't have the experience or instinct it takes to be a good cook - but I can follow a recipe. I think. There are turkey recipes right?

Oh and I do have a cell phone, and that cell phone has a little feature I like to call Speed Dial Mom. I use this feature quite often when faced with urgent grocery/food/recipe questions I may have such as what aisle is canned pumpkin on and how do you pick out a tomato?

I'm also pretty confident in the fact that Butterball has a Butterball Hotline that allows consumers to call in with with turkey questions of all sorts and they are answered by seasoned turkey professionals all over America.

So give me a roll of tin foil and a stick of butter cause Ms Paula Deen can make anything taste good with a stick of butter and I'm sure I'm ready to go.

Are y'all ready for this? Eddie are you ready for this?

I just told Ed that I'm going to cook a turkey and he's going to take pictures of the process - you know for blogging purposes. He laughed and said "What are we going to do with the turkey" I responded "You're going to eat it, and then I'm going to eat it the next day if you make it."
Then he said, "What about it kills me?" to which I replied, "Well one of us has to live to blog about it." :)