How Charter is Killing Me Slowly - One Day at a Time

Ed and I being NewlywEd and all last year (and trying to be all budgety in our new adult life) had to prioritize where we wanted our disposable income to go. Although I was perfectly content with where my money had previously gone (American Eagle, GAP, Macy’s, the occasional manicure and massage, etc), I had to be all grown up and allot some funds to the power company and the gas company because electricity, heating and air conditioning were high priorities on the list of things we thought we might need.

When it came to luxuries (i.e. things we can live without but choose not to live without) we were more interested in a life with DVR (I love you DishNetwork! and I love the episodes of Little House on the Prairie that you tape 3 times a day for me) than with Internet. However, when a Charter promotional ad promised us a good deal for 6 months – we thought why not? So at the end of 09 – December I think - we splurged for some internet.

Sweet I thought! Facebook, Itunes, email, Google, the WORLD WIDE WEB…would be at my beck and call any time of the day.
Or not. The internet worked so well…the first day it was installed. After that we had sketchy, unreliable internet for days…weeks…and then months at a time. Call after call. Service tech after service tech. Those guys performed magic while at my house and made the internet work, but after they left…and after a little tease of being online – the magic internet fairy dust they used would lose effect and we would lose signal yet again.

Calling Charter’s customer service has felt similar to what I believe medieval torture felt like. My head has nearly exploded each and every time that I have attempted to resolve our internet problem. Now I realize and understand that a lot of major companies like Charter outsource some their customer service to countries like India or Pakistan. What I don’t understand is how I am always transferred to them instead of someone I can actually have a dialog with without trying to translate in my head what they actually mean.

Not only am I always connected with someone who is still in Learning to Speak English 101, but I am always connected to someone who I think hates their job and isn’t one bit invested in helping to solve my issue. Not to mention, the 15 minute phone menu that Satan himself created that never gives me an option to “SPEAK TO SOMEONE WHO CAN HELP ME OUT WITH A PROBLEM” so I find myself saying “Agent” over and over again to try and override the system and get me to an actual HUMAN BEING.

To make this long story even longer, we cancelled internet service at the end of June. I should really said we cancelled them sending us bills since we never really had internet service when it comes down to it. They owe us $70 dollars. We have been told different things each time we have called to find out when our check would be arriving in our mailbox.

The check was apparently cut/processed July 3, Aug 4, and this latest time Aug 12th. We haven’t received anything. I have confirmed our address multiple times. We have received reimbursement checks from insurance companies with no problem since then. Every day I check the mail, and every day I am disappointed to see that my check still hasn’t arrived.

Each time I call I feel like I’m losing minutes of my life. I repeat my sob story over and over to Charter agents who could care less and apparently have no historical log of what I have said to the agent before them. I have probably gone over my minutes on my phone plan after being on hold so many times. I’m guessing I’ll eventually have to use gas money and a vacation day to drive to our local Charter to see if they can help – though I imagine it will just be a real life version of my hopeless telephone calls.

Funnily enough though, I keep receiving those Charter bulk mail-outs telling me they miss me as a customer. I have probably received about 6 of those since we have cancelled.

Charter – I hate you.

The end...and then begin again

So today was the last day of my work’s Biggest Loser weight loss competition. Amen.

Today was also the day wherein I heavily splurged not only once…but 4 times so far…and that’s only breakfast and lunch. After my 8:30 am weigh in, I had a chocolate glazed donut with sprinkles chased with a Reeses peanut butter Easter egg. Yum! Lunch time came and went along with a few hundred calories made up of a hot dog from Skins (I’m a Thrasher what can I say?) and a piece of chocolate pound cake. The evidence of my indulgence … nothing but a crumpled up wrapper in the trash can and a very full belly.

I have a wasted calorie and carbohydrate hangover complete with oniony breath and a side of regret. I want nothing more than to go home and take a carb nap or fall into a carb coma.

For the last five days (actually the last 3 months) I have been thinking of all sorts of things I would do to celebrate this occasion. All of those things had to do with having some food that I actually wanted to eat and didn’t HAVE to eat. I would watch tv and see a commercial for a fast food joint or restaurant and be like yum I want that! Even stuff I really don’t care for (i.e. a hot dog) seemed delish! While the splurge was nice for a minute, now I actually feel bad. Boo! That sucks. I’ve decided to not go on an all out binge week since I really don’t want to ruin what I did work hard to accomplish.

What did I accomplish? A loss of 20.5 pounds. I’m including the half a pound cause I worked hard for every little ounce. The good thing about being as tall as I am is that a gain of 20 lbs isn’t totally incredibly noticeable. The bad thing is that a loss of 20 lbs isn’t either. I can tell there is a difference though – the dimple on face is showing again when I smile and the jeans I had been wearing have now been retired since I couldn’t walk up my steps without them falling to the ground (pants on the ground, pants on the ground).

So where do we go from here? I have decided that I have two new goals. One is to lose 9.5 more pounds by June 14th (which not only is my first day of summer vacation at the beach but my 30th bday as well – and I know what you’re thinking – I do not look like a 30 year old – and you are right – and I love you). So yeah 30 lbs by 30th bday.

My second goal is to start “training” to run a 5K. This could prove to be much harder than goal one – mainly because I don’t really even like to walk to the mailbox at my house. This goal even has sub goals (I love a detailed plan) – I want to run a mile. I want to run 2 miles. I want to run 3 miles. And I don’t want to throw up or die while I’m doing it. I also don’t want to experience shin splints, blisters, soreness, humiliation or hyperventilation.

I’m not putting an end date on this goal because that would stress me out, but I found a program online called Couch to 5K. Apparently it can train people who normally get most of their daily activity from sitting on the couch (yup that’d be me) to run 3.1 miles in about 9 weeks (I’m not sure how. By magic perhaps? We’ll see). I will say that I use the term “running” very loosely. I can’t imagine I would ever full out run since I honestly don’t have a desire to run (and haven’t ran a mile since I was forced to for a grade in highschool gym class) – but I can see me jogging…or walk/jogging…wogging? Jalking? Either way – you get my point.

Wish me luck – and if you work with my husband – wish him luck too – I can only imagine how much fun this will be for him since I’m making him do it with me! :) Love ya babe!

To tan or not to tan

Since I heart RKB bunches and am willing to stand in solidarity with her (that’s what BFFS are for), I have decided to not go to the tanning bed this year. I vowed to embrace my paleness, love my fair skinned arms and legs, and be a happy girl. However, now that March is coming to an end…the temperature is getting hotter…my winter clothes are saying hello to their Rubbermaid tote homes…I have come to realize that I have cultivated a rather pasty glow since last August. I literally become reflective in the daylight, much like Edward Cullen when he gets in the sunlight (yes I just made a Twilight reference). Except I’m not as beautiful and shimmery as Edward (but let’s be honest…who is)?

As bad as I want lay in that enclosed little bed with UV rays shooting into my body, I’m determined that my health is more important. It doesn’t however change my feelings that I feel prettier when I’m tan than I do when I’m pale. I think a lot of people feel that way. I may be a little on the chubby side, but tan chubby is like so much better than pale chubby.

With the whole skin damage and possible cancer scenarios running through my head as well as the thought of looking like a leathery worn out baseball mit by the time I hit 40, I explored my options. I don’t really dig hanging out in the sun (which is pretty much the only other way for me to get some color to my skin naturally …oh except UV rays there too) so that was out. I’ve tried self tanners and have found that they are too time consuming and I often end up looking like I rolled in some mud and forgot to take a shower the next day. I decided to do something I have never done before. I decided to give Mystic Tan a try.

Apparently through the magic of Mystic Tan I could get a healthy glow in as little as 2 minutes. Sweet! I’m in. The directions seemed simple enough. You get in a little stand up booth and a sprayer thingie sprays you with Mystic tan (I hope you were able to follow since I got real technical right there). You have some color right after and then in a few hours the color deepens (through something very scientific that I don’t really understand).

I would post pictures of myself getting ready except for I would never do that in a million years. You can only imagine how attractive I looked in disposable hairnet and little surgical booties plus goggles (which I took off right before going in because I didn’t want to chance raccoon eyes). That was all in addition to mounds of “barrier lotion” I slathered all over my hands and feet.

If you are a Friends fan (hi Jen!) you might remember when Ross got his spray tan on. This might help picture what goes on. To put it simply the machine sprays the front of your body for about 14 seconds – then it makes a noise that prompts you to turn around – and then it sprays the back of your body for about 14 more seconds. This doesn’t seem like a long time…unless you are ill prepared for the start and forgot to take one last deep breath.

Unfortunately I fall into that ill prepared category. I tried to hold my breath, but the combination of the freezing cold mist and my anxiety about not taking that last deep breath caused me to hyperventilate which led to what felt like a mouth full of Mystic Tan. I feel sure that was not safe. I was so freaked that I immediately started coughing which caused me to take yet another deep breath wherein I had a mouth full AND nose full of Mystic Tan mist. I was pretty sure my lungs were turning brown already when the machine finally stopped. Even though I was a little lightheaded, I did consider it a plus that I didn’t pass out naked in the Mystic Tan booth. How tragic would that have been?

I opened the door and gasped for clean air and reached for a towel. I started rubbing the excess off – I did notice a drip down the back of my leg and was able to wipe it off. I could tell I had a little color in the mirror so that was also positive. I removed my attractive disposable wear and washed my hands. I felt a little sticky and I know I smelled funny, but I was feeling ok. Until a few hours later when I realized my hands and feet sort of looked rusty. At that point I started to worry that I was one of those girls that I make fun of for fake tanning. You know who I’m talking about.

I went home and scrubbed off some more in the hopes of not being an orange colored wreck today. This morning when I woke up I went to the bathroom to check my status. I am not exaggerating in the slightest when I tell you I look like an Oompa Loompa. I hope to bring you a positive update in the next few days as to the status of my coloring. In the meantime I’m going to go home and sing Willy Wonka songs to Eddie and make the most of it.

PS Here's the link to the Friends episode - it's a 5 minute clip - but it makes me laugh everytime! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOLCwaHVtWs

Bouncing Here and There and Everywhere!

Dear Hubby,
I know that I’m on this so called diet and everything, but I was thinking – for Valentine’s Day I would really like a treat. If at all possible, I really think that The World’s Largest Gummy Bear would be perfect. This “mammoth mass of sugar” weighs in at a whopping 5 pounds. It’s bigger than a football and the equivalent of 1400 regular gummies!

And it only has 12,600 calories.

If you must have this too – you can find it at perpetualkid.com

crabby - i mean carby

Low carb is great….if you don’t like to eat anything good. Problem is…I do like to eat good things…and by good things I mean bread…rolls…biscuits…with butter and honey…bagels…(sure I can have cream cheese but what am I supposed to put it on)…croissants…even cereal…

Tonite we’re going out with Amanda and Shane (movie and a meal). I don’t normally eat popcorn at the movie so I’m good there, but dinner is at Copper River…you know…home of the delicious honey glazed croissants. It pains me to think of saying “no croissant” when I order. However it would pain me more to have to see it on my plate and not eat it.

Oh and forget the fruit – or at least the ones I like the most. Bananas would be packed with carbs since I ate about two a day prior to Biggest Mistake of My Life – I mean weight loss challenge.

You can have eggs though… and I’ve had enough to fill my egg quota for the year already. I’ve had scrambled eggs, boiled eggs, deviled eggs, an omelet, a quiche – all of which I might add have been mighty taste – but I’m very much OVER them now. What I really want for breakfast is a biscuit…with a little butter and a lot of honey…and maybe a side of hashbrowns…but those aren’t allowed either.

12 weeks seemed to fly by when Ed and I first got married…the whole time flies when you’re having fun deal I guess

These 12 weeks are moving at a snail pace though…which makes sense…I’m not having fun…

8 more weigh ins to go…

Miracles really do happen!

This week's post is sponsored by the number 5. Why? Because I lost five pounds this week. After much frustration (see previous post), this was definitely a sweet little mini victory.

I realize five pounds might not mean that much to most people, but to me it means a lot. I can gain five pounds just breathing the air in my mom’s or Shirley’s house. Air filled with good (bad) things that I want but really shouldn’t have.

The life of a low carb dieter (and yes I feel qualified to speak about this now having been one for a full week), is HARD! While pretty much proving that it is a successful weight loss method if you do it right, it just isn’t gonna be a new lifestyle for me. I know that I CAN NOT commit to a life without chocolate and sweets. I mean yeah sugar free jello (otherwise known as sugar and flavor free jello) does help – but it honestly doesn’t even compare to a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup.

Low Carb dieters (yes I’m speaking for them all) must have some extreme willpower. I don’t so much have that on a daily basis – however this week God gave me some sort of supernatural power to fight off the urge to drink a Coke and eat a bag of potato chips. I can’t help it that I have no willpower. I keep trying to remind myself that I once dressed as She-ra for Halloween. You know She-ra – sister of He-man (Master of the Universe). Yeah – she was the princess of power. Surely – I still have some of that left in me!

I’ve curbed some cravings by popping a mouth full of sunflower seeds in the afternoon or having a piece of sugar free gum. Both sort of work. Now I’m really seeing what a great idea the gum was on Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Remember the gum that Violet tried – consisting of roast beef, mashed potatoes and then the blueberry pie that blew her up like a balloon.

If they could make a red velvet cupcake with cream cheese icing flavored sugar free gum – I would be so happy!

Anyways – here’s to next week and hoping for another weight loss!

Diet Woes

So I started the Biggest Loser at my work 3 weeks ago. I’m not sure what the thought process was that I had – but apparently I lost my mind and thought it would be a good idea to play. Me. The most stressed out, anxiety-ridden person I know playing in a COMPETITIVE WEIGHT LOSS CHALLENGE.

Here we are three weeks later and the following things have happened. I have had no coke for three weeks. I’ve consumed cases of water. I have exercised DAILY (via curves and walking). I have changed my diet – lower calories – less fat – less salt – less sugar.
Week 1 – I lost 1 pound
Week 2 – I lost 2 pounds
Week 3 – I gained 1 pound
Overall loss 1 pound

If I would have posted a before and after picture for you – my before picture would have a motivated smiling nikki and today my picture would be a mad face nikki or a crying one depending on what time it is.

Every Tuesday when I weigh (or any other time for that matter), I’m disappointed. Depending on how I lean myself on the scale it still doesn’t budge. All of my friends have told me that it’s muscle weight – just keep going – etc ...I’m so over muscle weight (if that’s what this even is which I don’t even know).

I miss Coke. I went thru a tragic caffeine withdrawal that deprived my body of that delicious sugary fizz of my favorite beverage, and gave me the lovely gift of migraines for around three days. All of that really seems fruitless now considering my ONE pound total weight loss. I would rather have kept the pound and kept the Coke.

I’ve read that there is much personal satisfaction that occurs when one decides to choose long-term health and give up habits such as soft drinks and processed foods that destroy their bodies.

I’m not really seeing an upside to gaining weight and making your team lose, much less any satisfaction. Honestly. I miss Coke. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about buying one, pouring one at home, or ordering a tall glass of it when we go out. The whole water with no lemon thing doesn’t even come close. I might as well be drinking air.

I believe in order to see any results – I’m going to have to starve myself or buy a 24 pack of bulimia and anorexia.

I considered a meal replacement drink. I’ve had them before though and they aren’t nearly as satisfying as a meal. I could honestly drink a meal replacement drink and add a meal and I would be good. However, apparently they do not work that way and I need no further help in doing a bad job.

We’re not playing as individuals either making this a million times worse. We’re playing in teams. My poor team. I feel like I owe them an apology daily for messing up their percentages. I tried to quit and they won't let me :( I hate not being A+